so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
