Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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