you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
