I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
