I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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