were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
