so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
