The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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