I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
