I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
