textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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