is your mom at the bar?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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