Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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