my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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