They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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