I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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