You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
