I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
