I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
