remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
