mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
