im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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