god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
