your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
