we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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