At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
