Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
