totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
