So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
