Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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