His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
