i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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