I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
