ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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