hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
