dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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