i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
