He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So squirting runs in the family.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
