my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
