i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
