mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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