So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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