the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
