Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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