question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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