I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
