I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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