I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
