In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
