Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
