how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
