I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
