D3 body, D1 cock
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
