It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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