hell yes lets make some ravioli
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
