I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
