I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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