Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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