When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
