Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2