I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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