girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
