I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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