JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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