C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
