I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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