I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
