Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
