whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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