His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize