Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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