the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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