Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
