I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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