Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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