Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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