mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
