i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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