The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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