you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
