Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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