Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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