Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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